Friday, May 25, 2007

What Every Thinking Person in the Universe Needs to Know About NCLB

Contemplating my upcoming hiatus from the classroom –

To say that my feelings are mixed about leaving the classroom is an understatement. I LOVE teaching. I love the students (at least most of them) and I love watching them have Aha! moments as they assimilate information. I’m going to miss the energy of the classroom, with all of its unpredictability. I love the literature we study and the way reading makes you human – how it enlarges your soul and increases the heart’s capacity to empathize.I love my colleagues – intelligent, dedicated, capable, funny, gracious, generous, and AMAZINGLY sane. Plus, they understand my twisted sense of humor.

What I don’t love: report cards. Conferences. Grade grubbers. Enabling parents. Hovering parents. Passive Aggressive parents. Parents in Denial. Mean parents. I will not miss staff development. NCLB, PLCs, FQLs, CAI, POS, SOLs, and all the other county effing initiatives. I will not miss the inept and unprofessional division level department coordinator who likes only to hear herself talk, and will not listen to anyone else. Ever.I will not miss the principal, who says things like “the die has been mixed”, and “vice” instead of “versus” (as in the Bears “vice” the Colts). Who openly admits leaving the classroom because “I wasn’t very good at it, so I became an administrator”, and who then treats teachers like they know nothing.

I just posted a response to this blog entry. Ms. Atwood captures my sentiments perfectly. She talks about DIBELS which is explained here and criticized here.

I don’t know how many people read my ramblings and rantings, but something has to be done about NCLB. It’s ruining education. It’s destroying intellectual curiosity and the love of learning. It’s turning good educators into diligent little lemmings who mindlessly follow stupid policies just to keep the peace and their jobs.
You must educate yourselves and speak up.

Monday, February 05, 2007

I’m back

It’s been a while, huh. Lots of excitement here on the home-front – new glasses, job interviews, garage sales, etc., and so on. Busy busy busy.

I’m going to miss teaching – at least some parts of it. I’m going to miss the students, and the energy in the classroom. I’m going to miss the light-bulb moments when my students “get it”. I’m going to miss the humor and the playfulness of my students. I’m going to miss the students who are wise beyond their years, and who seem to understand the purpose of all of this even when I’ve forgotten.
I’m going to miss thinking about and planning lessons, studying resources, looking up information and learning new things while I’m doing it. I’m going to miss my colleagues – intelligent, sophisticated, funny, generous, gracious, and sarcastic. I’m going to miss the smell of the cedar trees in the bright, crisp morning air.

Sometimes, I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I realize I won’t be in the classroom next year. What purpose will I have? What will I do during the day? And then, I realize that I probably won’t be blogging at 12:36 am on a Sunday night/Monday morning, attempting to forestall the inevitable morning mayhem of dragging my ass out of bed and figuring out what we’re doing today in class.Please, if you’re out there, anyone, please visit http://www.educatorrountable.org and sign the petition calling for an end to NCLB.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

POS, SOLs, FQL, PLCs, FUBAR Our school district is currently proposing some drastic changes to the POS (program of studies) for high school students. Most of the changes are a reaction to one school’s failing SOL (standard of learning) scores . The FQL (framework of quality learning) is a mammoth document telling all teachers what they’ve been doing must STOP, and that they must meet in PLCs (professional learning communities) to be brainwashed into following a lock-step model. This, of course, is supposed to increase rigor and encourage more kids to care about SOLs. But in my opinion, it’s only going to result in public education being FUBAR – more than it already is.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

It’s Not Rocket Science

This is my seventh year of teaching. It has taken seven years to feel like I’m capable (well, at least some of the time instead of never). The thought of moving next school year disconcerts me because I’m just starting to get good at this…..
But it’s exhausting. The emotional stamina required to sustain teachers has to come from somewhere, you know? Ultimately, I would like to be an advocate for educators. I think if more parents knew about the initiatives, and the ulterior motives related to the initiatives, there would be enough outrage to change the system.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Cautiously optimistic So far the school year is going relatively well. I’m mostly caught up with my grading, and I’m fairly well prepared to teach the 92 students (33 fewer than last year) sitting in my classroom at various intervals during the day.

10 Honors is still kicking my ass, though. I don’t understand some of the material the other teacher presents, and I feel that I have to follow her lead no matter what. She’s a brilliant person and an interesting teacher. She’s the one who tells me I have more methods while she has more material…. which is true of course… but if I were to deviate from her curriculum, I would be proving just how ignorant I truly am.

Plato’s The Apology is what I’m talking about. Why the hell do 10th graders need to be reading this? It’s way too hard. I barely understand it myself. It’s college level material that I feel is not appropriate for the classroom except in exerpts (which are the devil’s handiwork, according to the lead teacher).

There are a couple of bimbos in my honors class as well. Not that they’re stupid – they’re just used to things coming easily and prettily to them. One of them lamented yesterday that she misses the 9th grade honors teacher (whom I’ve stopped admiring recently) who told them everything and made them take incessant notes. At least, that’s my assumption. I wish I had time to sit in on one of her classes and watch what she does. I wish I had time to sit in on one of my lead teacher’s classes to see how she approaches Socrates.

I don’t know if there is an ideal classroom/teaching situation. Part of me wonders if the drama doesn’t in fact inspire me. Teaching is a strange profession – definitely a love/hate relationship. But at least it’s better than last year. Last year at this time I already knew it was going to be a looooong year. And was it ever.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Beginning Again A new school year. Already.
Sort of feels like we’ve come back after a 3 day weekend and started a new school year. What the hell happened to “See you in September!” ?

This year, I have 103 students instead of 130. Something is different this year with this crop of freshmen. Not sure what it is, really. They’re quieter for one thing – maybe it’s just that they’re still scared of me.

I saw a piece on MSNBC about Teach for America, and the cute little teacher from UVa who is giving the teaching profession a shot. She said that teaching is not what it seems like from a student’s point of view. Or even a parent’s. There is more to being a teacher than meets the eye, and I don’t know how to get people to realize how much work, heart, and soul goes into this profession.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

***Warning- this is not happy*** Looking around the room full of teachers today, I counted the number of teachers whose children are train wrecks. It struck me that the sooner I can get out of education the better because I go home so tired at night that I don’t care how much tv my kids watch as long as it’s something I’ve approved. I don’t care how messy their rooms are because I don’t have the energy to clean them or to get my kids to clean them. I don’t fight them on their bad eating habits because I’m too tired to care. And I’m filled with self loathing at the thought of all the work I won’t get done in spite of bringing it home with me. I’m too depressed and disappointed with myself to reflect much of anything positive to my children and I’m terrified they will internalize my failings as their own. My kids have a pretty high chance of becoming train wrecks if I don’t quit soon.

The Best Principal Ever dropped a bombshell yesterday: she’s leaving High School to go to Middle School. I’m irreconcilably sad she’s leaving but the decision has already been made and people are already in their new positions. I’m afraid Awesome Assistant Principal will leave, too and then the whole school really will go to hell. I wish I could quit this year. I wish I could leave before things get worse. Because no matter how positive or optimistic I am, things always get worse. This year has been absolutely awful and yet I know things will be worse next year. Things always get worse.

I refuse to work on the Vertical Team next year. I don’t like the working environment, I don’t agree with the way the work is organized and managed. I don’t like Super Bitch’s style of taking over and making decisions for us. I don’t like her inability to listen to the teachers and lack of regard for their opinions. Super Bitch is not a good leader, and she is not a good manager. She has brought frustration and disillusionment to an already thankless and demoralizing job. She is not a good coordinator for English.

I don’t want to teach 10 Honors next year. This year was such a categorical disaster that I don’t really want to even look at the mess I made. I don’t want to sift through the fuselage of things taught badly and try to recreate a curriculum that equals in rigor what Fabulous Teacher teaches. That will simply be an act of self flagellation. I know I did a terrible job and I know I’m not (a) Fabulous Teacher. I’m sad for the students who took my class this year. I’m sad for the crap they put up with from me. I wish I had been a better teacher. I wish I were a different person altogether. I suck.

I want to go on vacation for a week all by myself. I want a room with an ocean view, right next to the beach. I don’t want to get out of bed or shower for a week. I don’t want to do anything but watch the waves crash on the sand and be comforted by the tide’s unremitting sequence. I don’t want to think about how fat and unattractive I am. I don’t want to supervise my children playing on the beach and I don’t want to worry about Husband’s mood. Or money. Or anything.

What I really want is to cease existing. But there’s no real chance of that happening.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Resume I don’t really want to respond to Ms. Mother of ****. First of all, I don’t know what to say. What does she want me to say? I’m sorry? You’re right?
I get the feeling that she just wanted to share her feelings about my severe ineptitude – she doesn’t really want me to respond. I could attempt to defend myself against some of the transgressions she accused me of, but it doesn’t really matter at this point. She has said her peace – there really isn’t much to resolve or fix. It doesn’t matter that I did get her a list of ****’s assignments (which *****promptly lost), just not the moment she asked for it; I told her I needed a day or two to get the list together.
It doesn’t matter that everyone has to start somewhere and I couldn’t have just automatically taught the subtleties of books like Othello and Frankestein without having read them. Am I supposed to lie and pretend I had read them? How am I supposed to answer students’ questions other than “I’ll have to go back and look at that because I don’t know right off the top of my head”.
I did fail her daughter. I am not the “best” teacher who inspires, nor am I even a favorite of any other students either. I didn’t connect to ****– I don’t think I connected to anyone, actually, which is probably due to some personal defect on my part. I don’t want to be anyone’s pet teacher. I don’t want to be best friends with my students. I guess I feel like lashing out at her, and criticizing her parenting practices. Why have I never met or heard about ****’s father? What’s wrong with their relationship? Is he embarrassed that **** is such a freak? What about ****’s OCD (if that’s even what it is; I happen to think she has Asberger’s)? What did they do wrong to bring that out in their child? I feel like she is attacking me that personally. I feel like she’s going straight for my jugular.

About the only thing I can do is breathe in and out. In and Out. And try again, because

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
—–Dorothy Parker.

June 2005

Ouch

Ms. Faculties–
****will not be in class for the English final exam. At this point she believes she has failed the class, that she must repeat the class next year, and that taking the final exam will in no way change either of the two previous statements.
Without question I am disappointed that ****s year in Honors English has turned out this way. Following a stellar year in Honors English 9, it is hard to believe we are talking about the same student. It’s hard to believe we are talking about the same student who has never scored below a 91%-tile in any standardized reading or writing exam, including the PSAT. It’s hard to believe this is the same student that can produce A and B work in Honors history.
What I’d like to understand better, is why ***** “shut down” in your English class. I know she was terribly turned off when you professed to not having read “Othello” before and to not having read “Frankenstein” since you were in high school. She was disoriented by the change from Ms. Excellent’s lecture style to the “what do you all think” method that never resulted in an definitive answers. And I know she was extremely frustrated that it took so long to get tests and papers back that she never knew how she was doing.
Considering *****’s depression and other problems, I might have thought she was exaggerating, but you learn quite a bit from other parents while you sit in the halls waiting for conferences and I heard the same complaints from those parents.
***** will suffer the consequences for how she handled the problems in this classroom. She will be repeating Honors English 10 as a direct result of her inability to deal with the teacher and the environment. That’s her lesson to learn the hard way.
Unfortunately, though, I think much of what ***** has said about your teaching and your organizational skills is true. When you couldn’t produce a list of *****’s assignments for me first semester and told me *****should have been writing them down, I was amazed. Of course she should have been writing them down, but why couldn’t you produce the list? How is it that you did not know what was assigned, when it was due, and who had turned it in and what grade they received? I have spent a year telling ***** to just “play the game.” Telling her that you don’t always get “good” teachers or teachers you “like” and that you have to learn to work with what you have and adapt. You’re very likeable and seem to recognize that **** has some knowledge, but I think both you and ****failed to adapt. I think you had an obligation to ****as a teacher to meet her needs in education. She is probably one of the best-read students in the 10th grade and you had a subject that could have made her come alive. I am so disappointed that she wasn’t anything special–anything worth saving.
In ****’s presence, I must support you as her teacher. As bad as her self-esteem is, I cannot for an instant let her think that her failure had anything to do with you; however, I think you should know that I think you both failed.
Sincerely,
Mother of *****

Thursday, June 01, 2006

A most sinister confession By this time each year, I have jotted down a list of students who have bugged me all year long. This year is no different, but I guess the good part is that my list gets shorter every year. Or maybe that’s bad because I learn to put up with more shit from students and parents each year.

Every year my grading standard become rather fluid around this time, too. Is it wrong to merely ballpark a kid’s grade without really reading his work? Does it matter if I don’t grade every damn assignment they turned in? Should I be assigning this much crap anyway? Does it really make a difference to anyone?

Tomorrow’s my last day of real teaching – next week we have semester exams . I think I can make it all the way through the day. Or at least til lunch – it’s pizza day.

La la la I don’t care anymore.